Maina depression episode
WORK EFFORT?
11/09/08 15:26 Filed in: Work
This effort to open my entire portfolio and edit the
images for on-line store is an extremely hard task
for me to grapple with in my mind. I am an artist
with a personality disorder and I maintain control
over it with self imposed isolation, fish oil and
folate, strict sleeping habits and routine. I have
trouble with depression and mania. I built THE EDITH
COLLECTION portfolio by obsessively working day in
and day out and it worked. I could ride the storms
out. I lived for the presentation at the SURTEX show
in New York each year. I presented my portfolio there
every year for 16 years. When you went there your
ideas, your work, designs, contacts - they were all
confidential. No artist was allowed in the booth of
another without express permission. No cameras. All
my work was kept from the public for 16 years. The
show grew and grew and grew. It was alive with
artistic expression and creativity. Alive with
excitement. Alive with the anticipation of licensing
your creations to a manufacturer. The artists there
came from all over the world not just the US but from
all over the world. Every year new artists came and
every year artists vanished from the scene. I loved
it. It was like blood in my veins.
Now, I am trying to take all the hundreds of images and open them out into print on demand shops. The shops are like massive groups of social bees incestuously visiting and touching the images and using them to reach their own opportunities. It is so opposite. It is so unreal and yet I feel compelled to take this portfolio which made me a fine living and open it like a thief trying to sell the images on the street corner. My psyche hurts inside as I do this. WHY? ...and my images, well, they are not sacred or they would be in some church. They’re not. They are in a storage unit just sitting.
Well, for what it is worth in 2002 my husband and business partner got colon cancer. It was in a lymph node. He underwent major surgery. It was not good. But he, unusual man that he is, would not recognize that position and as we journeyed each day to chemo we continued with our business. He managing and I painting and never stopping, we continued right on through the 2003 SURTEX and right on to the next major surgery. It was in his liver. He underwent another major operation and I made deals in the hospital parking lot. Neither of us stopped. We went right on to the 2004 SURTEX and the next major surgery. That was by pass heart surgery for 5 major arteries. We both continued to work through all of this.
You see there was a lot of mania and a lot of roller coaster emotions for me and try as I did. I could not keep my head above the ‘water’. I packed up every thing, gave away truck loads of manufacturers samples to people and to Goodwill. Then I sold everything I would not need and we moved to the Smoky Mountains. I have skipped over this fairly smoothly. My dear strong willed husband weathered it all and came through it all successfully and with his life even as I speak. But for me, well, I had an episode.
We used to wonder just what my capacity was. That was it. I was unable to go to SURTEX in 2006 and 2007 and just like if you put your hand in a bucket of water and removed it, that was the way it was when I was unable to attend. Since then it has been like trying to breathe in quicksand.
I am trying to find my way back to painting. Painting everyday but painting with a different mind. Painting as I used to paint when I painted my emotions. I still hunger and thrust after the excitement and the forum, the opportunities, the exhibition.
Now, I am trying to take all the hundreds of images and open them out into print on demand shops. The shops are like massive groups of social bees incestuously visiting and touching the images and using them to reach their own opportunities. It is so opposite. It is so unreal and yet I feel compelled to take this portfolio which made me a fine living and open it like a thief trying to sell the images on the street corner. My psyche hurts inside as I do this. WHY? ...and my images, well, they are not sacred or they would be in some church. They’re not. They are in a storage unit just sitting.
Well, for what it is worth in 2002 my husband and business partner got colon cancer. It was in a lymph node. He underwent major surgery. It was not good. But he, unusual man that he is, would not recognize that position and as we journeyed each day to chemo we continued with our business. He managing and I painting and never stopping, we continued right on through the 2003 SURTEX and right on to the next major surgery. It was in his liver. He underwent another major operation and I made deals in the hospital parking lot. Neither of us stopped. We went right on to the 2004 SURTEX and the next major surgery. That was by pass heart surgery for 5 major arteries. We both continued to work through all of this.
You see there was a lot of mania and a lot of roller coaster emotions for me and try as I did. I could not keep my head above the ‘water’. I packed up every thing, gave away truck loads of manufacturers samples to people and to Goodwill. Then I sold everything I would not need and we moved to the Smoky Mountains. I have skipped over this fairly smoothly. My dear strong willed husband weathered it all and came through it all successfully and with his life even as I speak. But for me, well, I had an episode.
We used to wonder just what my capacity was. That was it. I was unable to go to SURTEX in 2006 and 2007 and just like if you put your hand in a bucket of water and removed it, that was the way it was when I was unable to attend. Since then it has been like trying to breathe in quicksand.
I am trying to find my way back to painting. Painting everyday but painting with a different mind. Painting as I used to paint when I painted my emotions. I still hunger and thrust after the excitement and the forum, the opportunities, the exhibition.
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